Wisp
by tami3
Summary: Thor's first love is Loki's first illusion.


Wisp

The first time Thor fell in love, it was with the girl of the swamp. She had stared at him silently, eyes the brightest green amid the smoky growth of moss and lichens. He had held out his hand to touch her—fingers drifting towards the flowers in her curly black hair. The yellow marsh marigolds were like a circlet of stars. Like a crown.

* * *

It was at Fensalir, his mother's domain. All was smudged and secretive from the downward smears of the willow tree branches to the grey cloud clots. Through mist curling slyly upon all it touched, there were voices. There were singsong murmurs muddled by the mud over them. Birds without flocks screamed one-note cries, mad in their solitude. And water, stagnant water, which should make no noise. But it did in the most peculiar way, shifting against itself, shifting within itself, ever dissatisfied and writhing inert.

Thor had first beheld it with his family. They had walked in procession to the water's edge. Frigg had lead, ahead and apart with the lantern in her hand. She had been garbed in a full-length mantle that blurred her whole body into haze like the fog. With each step he had seen a mass emerge sluggishly out of the fen, slowly limning into the contours of a small boat. Thor had balked at it. It looked like a funerary vessel.

Sensing his unrest, Frigg had turned around.

Thor Odinson had always thought of his mother's true self as golden and lovely, the creature she was when she held court with his father. Odin upon the throne seemed hard and unmovable. In his rigid armor he was merciless, a king of old cut from stone. But Frigg beside him with her bright hair uncovered and flowing robes had always cast a softening glow upon on him. Like a torch.

The lantern light against her washed out her colors. Her face stood out as a pale beacon in her shroud, ghostly and cool. In the years to come Thor would never know unease in battle like he felt seeing the blank detachment in his mother's face. She was far from him. He felt his father's hand grip him on his shoulder. He knew from the rare gesture of comfort that his father too was unsettled.

Loki alone was content and happy. He pulled his grip from Odin's hand and rushed to Frigg, clumsily throwing his arms about her. Loki had always loved his mother best, but it had been a long time since he had acted so childish. Frigg stroked the dark head buried into her waist.

"Mother, what is this place? What will you do here?" he asked her. He was not bothered by how dim she had become. Thor watched him suspiciously.

Loki was very dear to him, but as many tutors have tried to explain to him, too clever for his age. It left him restless, and when restless, Loki could be dangerous.

Once he had stolen from Eir's stores. He mixed a concoction so powerful that it had put him and Thor in a deep sleep for days. When they woke to Frigg's stricken tears, he claimed that he had been trying to brew a tea, for he and his brother had been bothered by the winter chill. But before Thor had taken the potion with him, Loki had promised that it would sharpen their minds and strengthen their bodies as warriors.

Loki did not mean to be bad, but where he did not see harm he did not see the need for the truth. And there was very little that he feared. Thor could not decide whether Loki was daring for taking such risks, or… something else.

Frigg looked over her son to where Odin stood quietly with their other child.

"This is Fensalir, sacred ground and the seat of my hall. It is the place where I will gather with my sisters and do my work, a woman's work of craft and tricks." She was answering Loki but she was saying it to them all.

"But mother, can you do not this at home? I have seen you spin and weave and sow with your ladies in your chambers." Thor protested. From Frigg's embrace Loki twisted his head about like an owl. Thor squinted at him, feeling their divide on this, how they each stood with their favored parent. Loki merely stared back, but sensing himself to be on superior ground, smugness crept into the corners of his mouth.

The gaze Frigg fixed upon him was not angry, but the intensity of it made Thor squirm.

"No child. The works I speak of are not the hearth arts. They are the legacy of the Valkyries of ancient times. Have you learned of the Valkryies yet, Thor?"

Loki spoke from behind Frigg's white arm before his brother could.

"They were maidens that flew in the sky with monstrous horses above battlefields, and chose which of the warriors were brave and fearsome enough to fight even after death. They could transform into swans to guide the men to the wars in the afterlife, or wolves to eat the bodies of the unworthy. They had powers like witches but were the most beautiful women of all Asgard."

Thor was a poor student compared to Loki, but he was sure that they had not had that lesson. He always learned well enough when the subject was war, and remembered stories on fantastical warriors or their ruthless and wicked enemies like Jotun. He felt crossed by the faint smile Frigg directed at Loki.

"That is right, dear one. The Valkryie were beloved, but also feared. They had special knowledge of death and transformation that no one else did."

It was at this point Thor tugged at his father so he could speak to him in an undertone.

"Does this not mean that mother is practicing dark arts?" he whispered to Odin. Odin did not speak immediately, but sighed. Thor waited, and he could see vague worry in Odin's one eye, which was watching Frigg as she knelt down and continued talking with Loki earnestly.

"Aye lad, I have said myself that this place has a feeling of darkness about it. But tis' only a fen like any other, I expect…You and I were born to be warriors. Our strength is simple and honest. Your mother belongs to a different world."

Odin's reply was not a denial, and Thor shivered for it. And what of Loki? What world did he belong to, he wondered just as Frigg said her last words his younger brother. Loki was holding their mothers' hands very intently.

"—a great power that is yours alone invites both respect and revile—"

"Enough, Frigg" Odin strode forward and interrupted her mildly. "You should resign yourself that we have sons, not daughters. You have your wards to pass your arts to. Thor and Loki are fated to be warriors."

"My dear, I am aware." Frigg said simply as she straightened. But she was paying scant attention to them. To Thor's eyes it looked as if she was being drawn deeper into the fen and the shadowed structure in the distance. Indeed, it was then that she climbed into the boat and took up the oar. Odin, Thor, and Loki all came forth to receive her kisses, their boots sinking into the mud as she brushed her lips to theirs.

"I will see you soon, my loves" she said vaguely as pushed off from shore. She swept herself forward, dipping the paddle to one side then the other. They watched her until her edges became blurred, and then was swallowed entirely by the mist. Odin beckoned for Thor and Loki to follow him back on the path they had come.

He was lost in his own thoughts so his sons did not engage him. Thor was in a somber mood himself but Loki was cheerful, teasing him by jostling him and pulling at his braid. It was so rare for his brother to be in such high spirits that Thor allowed himself to be comforted by it. Soon they were chasing each other and laughing. Odin continued in his steady, silent pace even as they outstripped him. They raced dragonflies and tussled like wolf cubs until they reached the wetland borders and the sky began to brighten.

Panting and tired, Thor and Loki slowed and walked by side by side. Odin was well behind them by now, although if Thor looked back over his shoulder he could see the glint of their father's armor in the distance. Thor felt better being in the clean high grasses and sunshine. There were birds singing prettily around them, and Loki was being good and sweet for once. It was a relief to have these times with Loki, to see him so pleased without need for schemes or lies.

Loki plucked a wildflower. "Next time mother goes I am staying with her" he declared peacefully.

Thor felt a familiar oddness settling in his stomach. He heard himself answering even as he kept his attention on the path ahead.

"You heard father. There is nothing for us there."

Thor waited until he could bear the silence no more, and faced his brother. Loki had narrowed his eyes and there was a set to his chin that always came when he going to bring chaos into Thor's life.

"Nothing for you. I decide what is mine."

Thor turns away. Like their mother, something is blurring.

* * *

The tendrils of the girl's hair were strange and slippery, cold on his fingers like a thousand snake bellies. Thor felt something twist inside himself, but was still helpless to turn away from her. Her pale pointed face and bare white feet were more beautiful than he could bear. He wanted to kiss her far more than he wanted to pull away from the sickening chill that was starting to creep into his skin.

But before he could, the girl's lips parted and she spoke.

"It is just as you said, Thor Odinson. There is nothing for you here."

The mockery was delivered by his brother's voice. The girl laughed and vanished, leaving a crown of yellow flowers, like stars, at his feet.


End file.
